she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
