just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
