So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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