Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
