your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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