CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
