I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
