I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
