Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
