Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
