I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
