The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize