At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
