I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
