xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
