Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
