Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and she was petting her beer can
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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