Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
