can u get pink eye on your cock?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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