Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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