my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
