Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
