I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
