i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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