At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
