How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
