I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
