9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
