Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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