you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I want is dick and wine.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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