She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
