i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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