I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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