I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
