What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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