I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
