You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
