i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
