i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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