The maid of honor just puked.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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