Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
