how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
