wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
