Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
