Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
