apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
