Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize