I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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