Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
