Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
