Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
