i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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