Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
