i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
