my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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