Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im six kinds of drunk right now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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