So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
