I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And then he peed in my hair
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
