he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
