I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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