Will you blow on my dice?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
