I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
