Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
