They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
