Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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