Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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