so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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