Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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