where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
