Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize