...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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